Twisted Fic-...ment to be funny!
by ChiChi
Summary: The whole story-the end of the preview-it would have been a love story till someone said that they want comedy-sorry, I have a sick sence of humor


OKAY! This is my first fanfic……..laugh and DIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!
    
    Kidding!!! In Australia we're only up to the Freiza Saga so this does NOT take place at a particular time AND I DON'T MAKE MONEY OFF THIS AND DO NOT OWN ANY CHARACTERS! SO THERE!

The air was clear and warm and chi-chi was bored…. He HAD to kill himself in a mindless battle AGAIN
    
    (I Mean GOKU….duh) and she felt alone. She was alone once more and was in deep thought and depression. She was misreble so she got Bulma to look after Gohan that night.

************************************************

Yamcha was as horny as ever (SORRY 4 MY CHOOSE OF WORDS PEEPS) and was as unfaithful to Bulma than ever. He went cruisin' for depressed drunk chicks at the local bar.
    
    *********************************************** I don't need Goku *hic* I'll find somebody else….he don't care about me, leavn me and Gohan alone

*hic hic* by then Chi-Chi was EXTREAMLY drunk 2 things I'm sure about is that I need to find a tempoary father for Gohan and somebody to look after me, and that I'm gonna have one hell of a hangover *hic hic* BURP

*****************************************

Well, not a wide variaty tonite Yamcha was on his 1st beer still…CHI-CHI!!!!!!!!! …Well…I betta say hi 

*********************************************

AS Yamcha approached, Chi-Chi said…..or screamed….hello yamcha but it came out…."lo umcarrrrrr"
    
    "Chi-Chi…your drunk!!!!!!" 

"Shloooooooooooow"(she is actually trying to say "so")

"What are you doin' here anyway?" 

"gochuuuu isst bad…..he mean….finnnnnnnd replacement forrrrrrrrrr me…. Me lonely….make me fefflf betta pleeeass"(she means "Goku is bad. He is mean. Find replacement for me…I'm lonely…make me feel better please")

And Yamcha then took advantage of the situation

***********************************************

"AREN'T YOU LUCKY GOHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,WE'RE GONNA BRING YOUR DADDY BACK" Bulma sa..um screamed. "YIPPI!" they had the Dragon Balls gathered and as a surprise 'cause Chi-Chi seemed depressed. The dragon came and…….yada yada yada……wished Goku back. "wow, thanks guys…I'm gonna see Chi-Chi….BOY, did I miss her or what!?!?!?!?" What about Gohan, I can't babysit him forever" (Bulma…..duh) " See ya"……he apparently didn't here her so Bulma covered Gohans ears….(so he can't here her..)

"DAMN YOU BAKA!!!!!"(bulma of course)

*******************************************************

Goku didn't even call Nimbus. He swooped/flew by a florist and the keeper gave him free daisies after Goku begged him for them.

(He has no money…you don't carry around spare cash in the other dimension)

He made straight for his house. He found the spare Key under the doormat and let himself in. He went up to their bedroom 

(Cause its nighttime and logic told him she would be asleep) 

And he stood in the doorway with two embarrassed, stunned faces. No faces were more stunned than his own. He stood their jaw on the floor, eyes bulging. The flowers, one by one fell to the carpeted floor. He went into shock. Yamcha ran like mad in case Goku beat him to a pulp. Chi-Chi was trying to talk Goku out of it, pleeding, concerned while he stood solid.

*********************************************************

At Capsule corp.

"He's in shock" Dr. Breifs, Bulmas father, said

"What happened!…..Chi-Chi" 

Piccolo ushered Gohan out of the room and they sparred at Piccolos sparring grounds.

"He found me with…um"

"WHO!?!?" everyone asked, it was unlike Chi-Chi to be unfaithful

"YAMCHA"

***********************************************************

"YOU BAKA! I HATE YOU! GET OUT" Bulma was being heartbroken.

"CHI-CHI….YOU SLUT"and slapped her hard. 

Dr. Breifs was injecting fluid into Goku 'cause he wouldn't /couldn't eat. 

Yamcha was shocked. 

Chi-Chi was crying, pleading, desperate.

Master Rochi was watching the fight with a perverted smile. 

Krillian was running 'cause he never saw Bulma that mad before 

Vegeta was watching with his customary smirk on his face entertaining watching humans bicker (Vegeta of course)……

***************************************************************

Bulma ran to her room with Yamcha not far behind her. That is until she told him to piss off for the 100th time and he finally got it through his head. 

***************************************************************

AFTER EVERYONE LEFT

"HAH! That was hilarious, woman!'' Vegeta scoffed

"Shudup ya stoopid saiyian" Bulma cried. Her voice was strained and she threw a pillow at the sayian Prince. 

"Woman, you must be the stupid one if you think a small object will hurt me"hah hah ha

"No, but I was hoping you would shutup"

"Not a chance in hell, woman" 

"Be sensitive, I lost something that meant a lot to me"

"you didn't lose that human, you got rid of him, which I approve of"

"No, I lost the idea of the perfect boyfriend" 

"……………………..SO!?!?!"

"Shutup Vegeta" 

"Nobody tells the prince of Vegeta to shutup, but because of your current situation, I'll let you live"

"Vegeta…" 

"Yes woman, I don't have all day."

"SHUTUP!" Vegeta left the room with a scowl.

*****************************************************************

Why did I let her live….Kakarot's right, I AM going soft. Damn ignorant baka humans….once I conquer this rock, I will no longer put up with this crap and make them all my slaves

Vegeta laughed at the thought of Bulma cooking for his crew, and imagined them throwing up with food poisoning. HA HA HA!

*****************************************************************

For once Vegeta seemed to laugh out of joy…..weird….but then again…things round here have been pretty weird….so it fits in

Bulma was shocked at the laugh and checked to see what was wrong. Then she saw that the sayain was fine 

"VEGETA, YOU BAKA, I THOUGHT SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED TO YOU…DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!I THOUGHT I WAS BEING ATTACKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

The woman seems disturbed, worried…maybe about me…I seriously doubt it but she IS a gorgeous girl…WHA!?!?!?! The prince of sayians admires no human baka!

" Well, woman. My enjoyment disturbs you? Aren't you the one calling me the heartless pig who has probably never laughed in his life……humans, a large race of bakas waiting to be destroyed"

"Vegeta" Bulma smiled sweetly…….then yelled "SHUT THE F*CK UP!!!"

*******************************************************************

What nerve! I would kill her if her friend, Kakarot weren't my last chance of beating (insert character here-cause this don't take place at a particular time) "them" because of damn Kakarot! DAMN HIM! And he flew through the roof cause he was too distracted to make a good comeback

*****************************************************************

WHA?!?!?!? MY ROOF!!!! "VEGETA!!" ……..whooo…I scared him off

"I KICK SERIOUS SAYIAN ASS!!!!!! HAH….YOU SUCK VEGETABLE HEAD" 

Then she did a weird little dance till she realized he might come back or hear her and stood stock-still.

*******************************************************************

Pathetic insults……but it hurts me somehow??? I AM SOFT……I'll let her live…the best punishment would be to make her life hell

*******************************************************************

__

Morning

"BAH, weres my breakfast WOMAN!!!"

"I'm COMING already…..do you expect me to fly down there!?!?!?!?! I can't even throw a decent punch!"

Vegeta…..while sipping out of a milk carton, did not expect humility from her and burst out laughing with milk pouring out of his nose

Bulma laughed at the sudden…….laugh

"Ve g e ta , yoooo ur laugh ingggggggggg"

"Yyyyyouuu showwwwed humility !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then they fell on each other laughing. 

BBBHhhhAAAAA haaaaa hhhhhhhhhhha!

*************************************************************************

What am I doing!!! Vegeta thought. He jumped from her. Bulma noticed that Vegeta had gotten up.

"You have some…HAH HAH!!!!!!!!!!" and pointed on her face under her nose. Vegeta wiped at his face with a scowl.

"I knew that…..Baka…..now leave me be"

"But didn't you want breakfast" the humorous tone was out of her voice…..whispering now(she's actually pissing herself from fright)

"GET OUT!!!!"

**************************************************************************

"Piece of shit…..gets me up at……" 

She looked at her watch

"5.30 asking me for breakfast….we enjoy a laugh and treats ME like I'M the SHIT!!!!!!!!!!"

She hadn't minded him on her shoulder, it almost felt…. Alien…she needed a man (She didn't mind his muscles either!) "WHO CARES!!!!……..HE'S AN EGOTISTICAL PIG!!!!"

**************************************************************************

Bah, I can make my OWN breakfast, I don't need that Baka for anything…

Vegeta is looking at the toaster. He ripped it out of the wall and shook it up-side down, bread crumbs everywhere on the floor.

"Work, dammit! I want breakfast!!!!!!"

"JEES VEGETA, FOR A PRINCE YOU SURE ARE STUPID!!" Bulma is pissed that he stuffed her toaster "YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE TOAST!"

"This THING won't WORK! Fix it!"

"Plug it into the power outlet for a start…"

"Why don't YOU do it then, if your so smart!"

"HERE!!!" She screamed as she plugged it into the wall.

"Those puny holes supply power???"

"No shit, Sherlock!"

"I KNEW THAT, PRINCES DON'T WASTE THEIR TIME AROUND THE KITCHEN!!!!!!!!!!"

"If YOU can't make the EFFORT, WHY SHOULD I!?!?!?!?!?!"

"……………………………………………………"

"THEN YOU PUT THE F*CKING BREAD IN THE SLOTS…SEE MORON, NOT TO HARD" She ripped the toaster out of his hands, pointed to the holes and thrusted them into his face. She was speaking sarcastically/pissed offy

"AND IF YOUR SOOOOOO STUPID THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT BREAD IS, ITS THIS" And threw the bag in his face

*****************************************************************************

Somewhere in Antarctica

Brrrrrr…..Cold

"HOW CAN YOU STAND THIS WEATHER, YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR AT THE BEACH!!!!"

Krillian is talking to a Penguin

"CHEAP, CHIRPPPPPPP!"

"You're right, your away from loud-mouth scary babes who make you do whatever you say….go PINGU!!!!"( he is lonely and delusional, cause he has mega brain freeze ,so he now has a male "PET" penguin, who he has called PINGU

"CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!"

Another penguin waddles up to Pingu and slaps him with one of those funny flipper thingys Penguins have

They start fighting/chirping

"I guess no ones safe" Krillian said "But I miss her…..I'M GONNA TELL BULMA HOW I REALLY FEEL!!!"

"CHIRP"

********************************************************************************

"NEVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT WOMAN!!! I AM A PRINCE!!!"

"AND I'M A PISSED OFF WOMAN WHO WON'T TAKE YOUR CRAP!"

"So WHAT are you gonna DO about IT!" Vegeta said coldly

"Leave you to my Parents to take care of you"

"You can't leave me with your parents….they live here"

"I'M LEAVING MORON!"

"GOOD RIDDENCE YOU BAKA!!!"

SLAM!

***********************************************************************************

"Hmmmm, who shall I stay with, I can't stay with Yamcha 'cause he's a horny asshole, Goku's in the Mental Hospital 'cause he's in shock and I'm not crazy, Chi Chi's a back stabbing bitch, Gohan lives with Chi Chi, Master Rochi's a sick, twisted pervert, Piccolo's creepy and Green, Chow-su is suspected to be gay, Tien lives with Chow-su, and Krillian is scared shitless cause of me…………I need someone to kiss my ass cause I feel so low, Krillian's House it is.."

She skips like a hyperactive little girl to Krillian's.

***********************************************************************************

"How about some more pancakes Vegeta darrrrrling???" Bulma's mother is flirting with Vegeta

" It tastes like crap"

"I know that Vegeta, I'll make something better next time schnookems"

"FIGHT BACK WEAKLING!"

" I don't care if I'm weak, I'm not a big strong musclely man like youuuuuuu"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I WANT BULMA BACK!!!!"

*************************************************************************************

Chi Chi walks to the same bar that she walked to when she got drunk

She sees Yamcha with his hand on some girl's leg

"I thought you loved me…LISTEN TO ME!!!!"

The girl excuses herself and runs out of the bar

"Awww, Chi Chi, why'd ya go doin' that for??"

"I THOUGHT I MEANT SOMETHING TO YOU! MY HUSBAND IS IN SHOCK, MY BEST FRIEND HATES ME BECAUSE OF YOU!!!"

Then she literately kicks his ass

"I LOVED YOU YAMCHA!!!!……WOMEN OF THE WORLD! NEVER DATE THIS MAN!!! DIEEEEEEEEEEE YAMMMMMMCCCCHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Then she kills Yamcha

The bar is full of shouts like…

"YOU GO GIRLFRIEND!"

"KILL THAT BASTARD!"

"THAT'S THE WAY!!! KILL THAT WOMENISER"

"OHHH, THIS MAKES ME HORNEY"

All the women turned around to look at the man who said that. Master Rochi was watching with the sickest, most pervertated look at the pissed-off ladies 

"DIIIEEEEEE ROCHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Blood covered the place and the place echoed with the sharp wails of

"DDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

**************************************************************************************

Tien and Chow-su's place

"Stop humping my leg, Chow-su…..it doesn't FEEL right anymore…"

"What are you saying Tien!!!!"

"I want to date a woman"

"EEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

***************************************************************************************

Mental Hospital

"MA-MA!!!" Goku said

"HE'S TALKING AGAIN" Dr. Smartass said

"MAYBE IT WAS THE YAMCHA DART BOARD THAT HELPED" Nurse 1 said 

"OR THE YAMCHA DOLL WITH FIREWORKS UP HIS ASS" Nurse 2 clapped

WHAHOOOOO

*******************************************************************************************

Piccolo's sparring grounds

*snif snif* "Mr Piccolo, is daddy gonna be ok?"

"Of course, your Mother must of cheated on him before"

"Mr. Piccolo…"

"Yes Gohan.."

"………THAT is a sick, twisted thought, my mother is NOT a slut"

"Well,…….I screwed her once"

"I though you were asexual?!?!?!?"

"Well, its kinda kinky but…" and whispers how he did IT in wayyyyy to much detail
    
     "HOW DARE YOU….EWW! GROSS!"

Gohan then turned Super Sayian

"HOLY SHITTTTTTT"

Gohan, well……lets just say he won that sparring round

*********************************************************************************************

At Krillian's house

Krillian lands

"Bulma, while in Antarctica.."

"YOU WERE IN ANTARCTICA!"

"……I was thinking, will you marry me….I love you!"

"FUCK OFF KEWBALL. SHE'S MINE, SHE FIGHTS WITH ME IN A WAY THAT MAKES MY HEART FLUTTER…." 

Vegeta lands in-between Bulma and Krillian 

"I LOVE HER, YOU JUST WANT SOMEONE WITH AND ATTITUDE PROBLEM, WHO WORKS FOR YOU AND GIVE YA A GOOD SCREW ONCE IN A WHILE!"

"SOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHAT YA GONNA DO ABOUT IT KEWBALL!"

They start fighting but move away from Bulma so they don't hurt her.

"HEY!!! I DON'T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM!!!!!!"

Who should I choose, I like someone strong willed, romantic, Bald people turn me on, so do muscles, And someone who has an eye to watch over me

Tien lands next to Bulma

"Bulma, I love you"

Bulma blinks twice

"Aren't you gay?"

"I changed for you, my love"

PERFECT GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FITS THE DESCRIPTION WHOOOO!

They leave hand –in-hand

They go to Las-Vegas and get married before Krillian and Vegeta find out

************************************************************************************

After five hours of dodging one another, Vegeta and Krillian collapse and see that Bulma is with Tien.

They noticed that she was wearing a wedding ring

"We swear, we will join together to kill you Tien!!!……When we get better of course" (Krillian said)

BOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!

Tien blew them both to the other dimension

"Bye guys!" Bulma giggled

*************************************************************************************

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT????

Bulma and Tien were VERY happy together

Vegeta met, in the next dimention, a retired prostitute who was as fiery-tempered as Bulma 

Krillian met a midget lady who was very beautiful and short 

Yamcha, Piccolo and Master Rochi are all playing cards in the other dimension

Gohan is a super Sayian in need of a Psychiatrist to get the image of his Mum getting kinky with Piccolo out of his head

Chow-su went nuts and ended up in the same Mental Hospital as Goku and when he and Goku were released…lets just say that they make a great couple

Nurse 1 and Nurse 2 got in a threesome with Dr. Smartass

The florist killed himself when he found out he gave free daisies to a now-gay guy. He believed that flowers stand for romance, not for weird depressed gays.

Chi Chi and the other girls in the bar started a women's-rights union

THE VERY WEIRD END-THIS WAS GONNA BE A LESS TWISTED FIC BUT I WAS TOLD IT WASN"T FUNNY ENOUGH AND I HAVE A SICK SENCE OF HUMOR

I want requests for my next story!!!!!!!

This was my first story……CLAP CLAP!

E-mail me at[cobrachild@hotmail.com][1]

Or[dolfin_gal@mbox.com.au][2]I use this one the most!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or MY NEW ADDRESS…….[bitchy_Chi_Chi@dbzmail.com][3]
    
     C YA!!!!! AND I WOULD LOVE ANYONE TO E_MAIL ME

( MY E-MAIL BOX IS ALWAYS EMPTY….*Sniff*

P.S I LOVE MY NEOPET….

GO TO

[Http://www.neopets.com/][4]

Very fun and gooooooooood!!!!!

If you sign up you must be over 13 or it won't let you sign up

WARNING- ADDICTIVE

   [1]: mailto:cobrachild@hotmail.com
   [2]: mailto:dolfin_gal@mbox.com.au
   [3]: mailto:bitchy_Chi_Chi@dbzmail.com
   [4]: Http://www.neopets.com/



End file.
